Do you remember the Judge who was bending to look
At a dog that was close to the ground
And who suddenly leapt forty feet in the air
With a horrible loud shrieking sound?
I'm afraid that was me. Yes, me once again.
A wicked Spinone I fear.
With malice aforethought I cunningly went
And shoved my cold nose up her rear!
Mum's told me enough, and I've had a few clouts.
I've embarassed her more than I should.
But nothing that anyone does, or is said,
Seems to do just the slightest bit good.
It's a vice! That must be it, a terrible vice!
What a thing for a dog that's so young.
I'll be taken to court and put in the dock
And then I'll be probably HUNG!
We went to a show that is called L.K.A.
It's held in a bloomin' great Hall.
Everything went quite well, I behaved as I should,
In fact we were having a ball.
And then I was tempted, it happened again,
A Scotsman was walking nearby
And without any warning I suddenly leaned
And placed my large nose on his thigh.
Well he jumped in the air with his skirts in a swirl
I have never seen such a mad prance
And they started clapping all over the Hall
Cause they thought he was going to dance!
So if you're at a show and you feel a hard shove,
It is not a foul rapist you see
Or a Bull in a Chinashop barging about
It's only a Spinone. It's ME!
By Liz Heslop
From her book 'Poetry For Dogs' 1989
Return To Stories